spin like a racket

i've once told my tok,

"you'll be healthy till the day i get married"

because she told me, she wonders if she will still be around once i've graduated, get a job etc.

it turns out that she passed away before i did any of those things she mentioned.

well it's been quite a while since she'd been gone. but somehow i am reminded of these words today.

i've always thought that, since now tok is not here anymore, mom must have been very lonely.

so she might as well gets more touchy, you know.


anyway, i wasn't so close to my tok.

i don't talk a lot. so yeah. sometimes i blame myself for being that quiet.

but tok always tried to be funny. so i laughed at most of the things she said.

when i was in primary school, i will wait for my mom to pick me up at my tok's house.

she will make sure i eat whatever food available at her house. she will keep asking "have you eaten? already?" like every 5 minutes until you finally go and grab something to eat.

she was already sick at that time so she don't walk that much and just stays in bed.


there's one day when she said "sorry, if i've done you wrong".

i didn't know what was that for.

i mean, she has done nothing wrong.

but though, i respected her for that. i mean she is the eldest in the family but she still say sorry to the young ones. though i am sure it was for nothing.

people always say that you only know you love them when they're gone.

i think its kinda true.

and you feel that, you wish that you would've done better.